Deep Winter Blues

I don’t pretend to be an expert on depression. I am not a psychologist but, like many of you, I struggle with occasional bouts of the blues that are, while not debilitating, not much fun either. My friend Nancy and I were snowshoeing yesterday and marveled that at 4:45, when we got back, it was still light! It felt like a small victory: so much of seasonal depression stems from the very short days. Even with the recent abundant (if cold) sunshine and lengthening days, however, there are no major holidays to distract me from the impending stretch of winter. So out of the storage closet comes my happy light, which I regularly set up in front of my mat this time of year.

There are lots of great resources out there for understanding clinically why and how yoga can help combat depression, but as with most things yoga related, what I ultimately trust is my own experience. I know that when I’m down, it might take a Herculean effort to unroll my mat and get myself on it. There are times I’d much rather crawl back into bed and put the pillow over my head. but I know that at the end of 10 minutes, 30 minutes, 60 minutes, 90 minutes, I will be in a much better place. There are poses and sequences designed specifically for depression, but my experience is that the fact of practicing matters more than the specific postures. Truly. When I’m really in a hole, it’s sometimes hard to remember how deeply I know this.

I’ve learned that I need to listen to the reasoning side of my mind when the sabotaging side of my mind calls me back to bed and tells me not to bother. I want to be honest here because I have felt shame around my own bouts with mild depression. As a yoga instructor of twenty some years, shouldn’t I have power over this? The interior dialogue goes something like: “I’m 50 for God’s sake; have I really not outgrown this?” I know there are a lot of us fighting depression of varying degrees. I know I am not alone in dealing with depression’s second cousin: shame.

And I want to clarify something: we do not judge you. We instructors are there to support, to create a nurturing and inspiring environment for you to take care of yourself. We are glad you came to class, and we do not need you to be anything other than who you are in that moment you walk through the door.

Next time you feel down, make a commitment to come take a class, or to unroll your mat at home for whatever time you can spare. I can tell you with some authority that you will not regret it. While a single yoga practice won’t permanently banish your depression, I promise you will walk out feeling lighter and happier. In 25+ years of practice, I have never finished a practice and said: “well, that was a waste of time. I’m going back to bed.”