Sorrow and Wonder

I have been trying to write this blog post since the horrific murders in Orlando back in June, but the cascade of shocking and heartbreaking news week after week since June has repeatedly squashed my desire to examine too closely either the world or my own psyche. I won't belabor the news; we all get too much of it anyway. Not to mention the nauseating and numbing news cycle around the election. But I do want to share with you something that happened one day before those awful murders in Orlando, when I listened to a powerful interview that my friend Rob recorded with "Rumblestrip Vermont."In 2013 Vermont passed The Patient Choice and Control at End of Life Act, or Act 39; essentially a "death with dignity" law. Last Winter, Rob's friend Bill asked him to help him die. Bill was diagnosed with end stage pancreatic cancer and asked Rob to agree to help him end his life when he became too sick to continue living with any degree of comfort. It's a powerful interview and I was moved by the story of their friendship, their capacity for play, and Rob's compassion and clear insights into the nature of sorrow and wonder. Rob Mermin founded Circus Smirkus some 28 years ago, and is someone who clearly lives his life with his heart and soul wide open to wonder. His interview explores with great tenderness how the undercurrent of sorrow is a fact of life; he's "friendly with sorrow" and acknowledges its presence in his life. But alongside sorrow, says Rob, wonder exists and acts as sorrow's counterbalance. Wonder for life's mysteries keeps us from the despair that can take root in sorrow.I listened to this interview a couple of times. I learned about Orlando the next day while driving home after teaching, and it momentarily knocked everything else from my mind. Reeling, as I'm sure most of us were, I was too shocked to experience anything other than horror. In the continued violence since then, but also in the quieter moments, I've returned to Rob's interview, trying to find a way to link the two in my own mind. Trying to see if there is solace to be found in his lovely, sad and beautiful story.Lately, the world feels soaked in both sorrow and grief. Rob, near the end of the interview, says that grief is something you get over in time, but sorrow continues. Wonder is a little hard to come by right now, on the news and politics front, but perhaps in time, the outpouring of love around the world for victims and families of recent events will create its own kind of wonder, a force field of love louder than the hate that inspired the murders.The link is below, if you would like to hear the interview. Sad though it is, it is also such a strong story of love that I circled back to listen a third time last night, and I found that his words deeply affirmed my hope that love, in all its expressions, is alive and well in the world.Have a listen:Last Chapter