Looking Forward, Looking Back, Letting Go
Despite the heat wave of the past few days, this September still says "Fall" to me. Heat aside, nature asserts her alchemical shift—in color and light—toward Autumn. This is the time of year I look forward and back, and I take stock.
Looking forward: every Fall I ponder the studio.....do I keep going, sign that lease, roll forward on the wheels of time and adjust as needed? I'd like to say I have 'lightening bolt' clarity but honestly, it's more often a little muddy for me. In recent years the studio as a business produces a marginal livelihood, but is the best kind of passion project. It's exhausting to work twice as hard for less financial return than I did 10 years ago. It's uncomfortable to see my rent go up and wonder if I can squeak by without raising rates. And it's exhilarating to simply look back and think: 20 years! Amazing!
This month, we celebrate 20 years of Upper Valley Yoga. I celebrate the return of my original business partner, Kat, and the ideas and optimism she brings to the studio. And I celebrate our new, young teachers, humming with energy and love for yoga and the faith that this thing we do together in a room—individually and collectively moving, breathing, looking inward, connecting—has the power to transform us in the best possible ways.
Looking back: I won't say I'm jaded, but I am 59 and so that initial blush of fiery first love with yoga has long since mellowed into something more....content, slow, and sustaining. I marvel that I used to soar through teaching back-to-back vinyasa classes and easily move into whatever came next. I am sometimes nostalgic for the sheer volume of energy that I could count on in a given day, a given yoga practice. I've found in recent years that time spent hiking in the Whites is where I am most wiling to expend intense physical energy, in nature; and increasingly yoga is where I want to slow down and recoup what I've sweated out ascending those mountains; to come back to myself, feel integrated and whole.
Letting go: that part is less clear. This is definitely NOT the year I give up the studio. But I'm letting go of the need to hold the reins quite so tightly. I'm letting go of trying to control the day-to-day of the studio. Having 2 new young, enthusiastic, awesome teachers on board—Ray Solbeck and Natasha Goodwin—means I can let go of holding on to my inner 20-something and embrace my almost-60 something. Welcoming Kat back to teach and generate ideas means I know someone has my back, and I can relax a bit. Letting go of Sharon's regular presence as a long time anchor teacher at UVY is tough and yet I understand her need to take a different path and hope she will return how and when she's ready.
Ultimately, the reason I can let go at all is that there are wonderful, committed teachers who show up and have been showing up week after week, year after year: Angie, Cathy, Sammy, Miriah and Katie; not to mention the teachers like Aleah and Jane who come on board periodically to offer their skills and love of yoga in the form of series and special workshops. I can let go precisely because there is a web of support all around me.
I hope that you will show up on Saturday at the Black Community Center in Hanover to recognize our 20 years! The class is open to everyone (see more information below). We'd appreciate sign ups or a quick email to let us know you are coming, but you know what? It's also fine to just show up, which is what happened 20 years ago.
I will practice "letting go" of needing to know precisely who will be there.
We will be celebrating, and you are invited.
Don't forget to bring your mat!
Love,
Leslie
