Christmas Blues and Letting in the Light

Many years ago when my kids were kids, we headed out on Christmas day to walk the state park trails behind our house. A good friend was out with her family too, happily skiing the groomed trails—December in Vermont as it should be! Snow, families, a beautiful, clear day. A feeling of rightness that made us feel cozy, even in the cold.

Yesterday was Christmas, and we (me, my husband, my two grown sons and our dog) headed out to walk the trails. It was close to 40 degrees and foggy. Any trace of snow was gone, leaving only occasional ice, which was rotting the way it does in Spring.

I can't say it felt "wrong" but it didn't feel right, either. My dear friend no longer lives here, skiing the trails with her (now also grown) kids. I miss her friendship daily. I am deeply unsettled about the state of the world—The wars, the violence, the environment, the political extremism and threat of fascism worldwide—I cannot get a lasting toehold on hope or optimism.  I want to feel happy, cheered, cozy and filled with light, but even Yoga and meditation only do so much.

So, I was out with my beautiful family on this unbeautiful day thinking and feeling unbeautiful thoughts and feelings.  And then my son Liam (who is an avid forager of mushrooms) spotted oyster mushrooms up in the trees, and with a happy shout was soon climbing, pulling himself up, branch after dripping branch, to collect the mushrooms in his hat. And he was ecstatic! Just like that, I felt lifted out of my dark mood.

I remembered that nothing is permanent, not even gloom.
If you keep your heart open, you will let in moments of grace, love and delight that will transform you and dilute the sadder bits with something lighter and lovelier. There will be moments of acceptance that don't feel like resignation or defeat or simply bowing under the weight of the world. Yesterday that moment of joy and delight was not my own per se but it buoyed me nonetheless to see my son joyfully clambering up a tree to pluck mushrooms from her bark.

I tucked that delight away to savor throughout the day, just as we later savored the actual mushrooms with our Christmas dinner.

If you are feeling the sorrow of the world this holiday season, I hope that you too will keep the door open to let in the light and that we all may share that light back into the world.

Happy New Year!