Last Night I Ran a Marathon
A few nights ago I ran a marathon. By which I mean, I had a dream I was running a marathon (I don't run these days unless it's to chase my dog). Because it was a semi-lucid dream I had the sense to recognize this was ludicrous and also to just go ahead and go with it. I won't torture you with a moment to moment description, but suffice it to say I didn't plan on running a marathon, I just found myself doing so. Also, it was summer and I was outfitted in everything I wear to winter hike, ie microspikes, gators, hat, layers, etc. So I was shedding these layers and wondering what in the world I was going to do with all the unnecessary bits and pieces, hauling it all along with me. I had a running partner, someone I barely know in real life. At some point, with a breezy "see ya" he was off and then I was really lost. I had no idea of the route, the distance thus far, and though I was miraculously unwinded and physically felt great (gotta love dream running!) I noticed people around me were jumping in and out of this race. They were veering off to shop, to visit, to eat a meal. So I decided to peel off and go watch a play, except I couldn't find the theater and didn't know where I was.
And then the narrative really unraveled and devolved, as dreams do.
The dream has stayed with me, mostly that too familiar sense of not knowing where I am, how and why I got there, and the deep sense of having no choice but to carry on despite the uncertainty and miasma of anxiety and mild despair. So, I think the general plot line and emotional tenor of the thing is somewhat familiar to a lot of us, as we begin our third year of life in the time of Covid. And, I think we forget, all of us, what we have done and keep doing along the way to continually adapt.
Can we just pause for a moment and acknowledge the possibility that we are ALL essentially running a marathon of unknown duration, one that none of us signed up for and for which we largely feel ill equipped?
You are doing an amazing job. We are doing an amazing job. Some of us are parents of school aged kids, some of us are health care workers, teachers, small business owners. Many of us continue to struggle emotionally, financially, existentially. We struggle with work, with family, with loneliness and depression, with our jobs, with addiction. Everything, absolutely everything, has been SO HARD for 2+ years and, my friends, we are holding our sh@#t together and that is not nothing. We are exhausted, burnt out, questioning how to parent, be a good spouse, keep a business alive, be a good citizen in a world that sometimes feels insane and brutal, with this added layer of "what the actual" gumming up the whole works.
Yes, the practice of yoga helps. Meditation helps. I am grateful daily for these tools, which help me emotionally re-enter a state of presence and awareness that calms the rocky seas, and grateful that I can offer my skills as a yoga instructor of 30ish years, to help others develop these tools. I hope I can continue to do so. I am not in a perpetual state of serenity, but I do know how to get back there when things feel too crazy.
So, let's all pause for a moment, collectively pat ourselves on the back for keeping on, keeping on. You are amazing, you are resilient, you are adaptable, and you are right there in the pack as we trot along together toward an uncertain finish line.
I'm in it with you.
Love, Leslie
